So I am proudly registered as a democrat, my parents are respectively republicans however they still voted for Obama. Anyways, I had an interesting phone call from a republican supporter asking us to go cast our votes and the conversation went a little like this…(R = republican supporter, M= me)
R: hi, my name is …I see that your family is registered as Republicans and have not voted yet. I wanted to educate you a little more about the presidential election.
M:(interrupts) OKAY COOL! So I have a question for you.
R: What’s your question?
M: Will voting for Romney increase my chances of legally marrying my beloved girlfriend and not be punished for loving someone of the same-sex?
M: didn’t think so, have a magnificent day.
As I made a big decision to go back to school for a 2ndary bachelor’s I’m beginning to wonder, ‘what the hell’ ami suppose to do with my life. I think after college we can all agree on the fact that we will always be burdened by the future, simply because of the uncertainty behind it, the responsibilities we have to face as adults, and the learning to really detach urselves from our parents and becoming ur own invididuals. I was stricken by the stressful moment of reality the other day because I’ve hit a roadblock. My lovely gf had reminded me “be patient, everything will pay itself in the end. We need to focus on now before we can focus on later.” Something so simply said yet I find myself constantly forgetting this. I don’t know why I’m writing this post. I guess it’s just one of those moments.
Life is very funny. Right when u don’t expect it, life throws a curveball at you. Never would i thought to fall for a girl like her. Quiet, more stubborn than myself, needs to enroll in charm school more than anyone. She eats with her hands when she finds utensils inconvenience. Everything i am not. Everything i could mever be i find in her. She is my other half. Rachel if u read this…the amount of love i have for is not within the description of words, nor is it something i could ever express through gestures or actions. Thank u for putting up with me when i get crazy. Thank u for being strong when im weak. Most of we both need each other because the balance we bring to each other. Thank u for loving me
Its been a while since I typed in here, my gf keeps me very busy. But here I’m going to write yet another sappy note….
If u asked me how much I live her, I can honestly say, more than myself. I’ve only fallen in love 2x. I’m sorry for having a hard time trusting my heart with you. Please understand that I am trying. I’ve been so broken, that u can just blow my heart and it will crumble. Please know that I only wish to be near you all the time simply because I fear being alone. I fear losing you. I told u once that this road wasn’t going to be easy, and I’ve thought about giving up. But what’s the fun in that if I don’t learn to try and work and fight for you, I would never understand why I need to treasure you more every breathe I take. I desire not only your body,but your mind heart and soul. I love you so much Rachel, that I hope we can hit more years to come together.
We’ve come a long way.
We’ve had our bad days, but most days we do pretty well.
Knowing that you are in my life helps me work harder to gain us a better future.
Lots has happen in the last week.
My grandfather is dying, my dad was in the hospital.
First time in a long time I felt confused and not able to control my emotions.
I had you to calm me down.
I had you to be strong for me when I was weak.
We went from strangers to Not just best friends,
But Lovers and soon to be life long partners.
I asked you one night…”will you be with me”
You said “where’s the ring? You’re going to ask me under this type of condition.”
Then last night you and I were looking at rings together, and I knew,
Our lives are becoming as one.
I don’t know how to express my emotion to you.
I can’t promise you that I will be rich and be a billionaire.
But I can promise you my unconditional love,
A thousand sweet kisses every week.
Strong embrace and my total devotion to you.
I love you Rachel.
“I just want you, only you, no one else but you. I want us to be together, have our own world. Live in our own world, but sometimes it’s not about what I want. So when you’re ready. Here I am. You will not just have me, you will have all of me, nothing but me. Not just 100% but 120. Because you are worth the extra effor. And you are worth the wait.”—VirtuousFaith (what I said to my gf las night)
I call because I want to hear your voice. Even though I know ur half asleep.
I show up to ur resturaunt on days u are working bc I get to see just a little bit longer.
Even when we’re sleeping, I kiss ur face, rub my nose against yours. And hold u as u hold me back, because that’s when I just want u to feel my lovin and I can feel urs.
But sometimes I wonder if I do enough? Or if I’m doing something wrong. Or is it just be lacking that confidence and ur seeing through my facade? I kiss u like its our first kiss as a content reminder to u that I constantly desire u. I hold u tight every time we embrace, because its to tell myself I could never let go of someone so precious to me.
The other day I discovered my coworker moved down here bc of their g/f sold everything they had. His motorcycle, camera gear, all the stuff that are luxiourous. I ever found out they don’t even have a cell phone simply because they couldn’t even spend an extra 20 on monthly bills. If u asked me would I give up all the luxiouries in life to be with u just like my coworker did for their gf. I would. Maybe keep a phone,bc I would like to hear ur voiceno matter where I am.
I meant every word. I said. I didn’t gpcare if I had to eat congee, oatmeal, or potatoes the rest of my life, I’d still give u thebest that I can. Lucky for u, money is not really the issue for me. I hope u understand, that it’s hard for me to surprise u with a candle light dinner, when I don’t have my own place. Or our place. It’s hard for me to wake up every morning to make breakfast for u, if we don’t have our own private place. I would love to wake up extra early make u chocolate milk and breakfast every morning. I would love to cook dinner with u every night. I would love sit back on a couch and watch basketball or movies with u. Until then we gotta work with what we got. We both still live with our families. Until we move out, and really start our lives together. This is just a taste of what it will be like….the best is yet to come my love. Be patient with me. Hope wat ur asking me this morning was just a curious question and not a complaint. I love you. That’s the end of th e discussion. Take me as I am. As I accept u exactly the way u are.
I’m selfish, especially when it has to do with my happiness. Does it mean I don’t care about my family? Does it mean it came easy on me when they found out and they tried to set me up on blind dates with men? Or when they thought medicine and herbal tea and make me straight? Or how bout blessing me at temple or giving me weird necklaces and charms in hope of making me “normal”.
We can’t help who we fall in love with. My family stopped talking to me….only my cousins accept it…wasn’t until 2 years after everything happened they finally accept me. I wish so bad that I don’t think about what ifs, ands, and buts. But I can’t help it. It’s bc I want to build my future with u. I want to grow old with u. I want to share my world with u for the rest of my life. When u told me we have to plan carefully, I was really happy but when I asked u “if ur mom wanted u to leave me, would u?” u told me u don’t know….it really broke my heart. Bc it scares me, I don’t want to lose something so great that has happened to the two of us. I’m not ok with u choosing to satisfy others that can’t take care of u forever. I’m ok with us not telling ur family…but if u leave me bc u don’t want to break ur moms heart, but at the same time u don’t want to break mine. I’m sorry it’s going to be the one or the other. Either way not easy. If u leave me bc u don’t love me anymore….ok I’m sorry, I didn’t do a good enough job….but if u leave me bc it’s not going to satisfy ur parents….I’m sorry to say, I’m not going anywhere! I don’t care if I’m eating oatmeal every day and every meal just to save enough money to financially support u, but I will not let u leave me that easily if I know u r still in love with me. The person that’s going to miss out on something beautiful is u, not me. I won’t live my life with regrets. I wont lie on my dying bed when I’m 90 that my biggest regret was choosing to satisfy my parents and not be with the person that I love and made me happy. No, I have yet to have any regrets when it comes to being with someone I love. I believe that fighting for someone u love is worth “temporarily breaking a mothers heart” bc if my mom really loved me…she would eventually accept it. My mother cried and got drunk when she found out. Raised hell and did all sorts of ridiculousness. But now look at her. I bring u home and she cares about u just as she does for me. Bc she understands that there’s nothing she can do to make me leave the person I love. I’m scared out of my mind right now. I’m crying to the point where the tears are just choking back. Bc I can’t imagine the thought of ever losing u. U know I can take care of u in everyway. 妳要給自己多一些勇氣，因為如果妳沒有勇氣的話，那我們兩個的關係也是什麼？長來發現什麼事都好，我不會因為妳或者我父母不開心的原因來離開妳，因為我愛妳已經太深。
Every night or middle of the night or early in the morning my gf always tells me to sleep or go to sleep or go back to sleep. The other night she asked me why don’t I ever sleep when she asks me to. It never crossed her mind as to why I don’t wanna sleep when she next to me. So here’s why:
1. I don’t wanna miss a thing with you even with one awaken moment.
2. While you trying to fall asleep I like the peaceful look you have when ur eyes are shut.
3. I wake up in the middle of the night to hold you and kiss you because I can.
4. I love cuddling up against or with you.
5. I feel like reality is more like a dream when I’m with you.
6. it’s the only time I have more alone time with you.
7. I want to always look at you in different lighting,angle, and shade so I can notice something different about you every time.
8. Just to bother you, so u don’t ignore me when we are sleeping.
9. I like the little noises u make when u sleep.
10. Most of all I just love you…for when you are at ur worst, and ur best. For ur heart and ur soul. When ur mad or when ur excited. For when u scold or hold me. Basically…for anything and everything u are, exactly the way you are.
(as we laid in bed)
Me: hey, come here.
R: (lays down) what?
(I closed my eyes and I felt her face, using my fingers to feel how the outline of her eyes, nose, lips are mapped out on her. As I was doing that I had tears running down my facee. Then I kissed her)
Me: I love you.
(she started tearing up, held me tightly and kissed me and just kept staring at me as we wiped each others tears. I knew that she loved me just as much I love her)
(having a deep conversation about our feelings and having a mutual understanding)
R: u know the other night when we were crying?
R: in that moment, I could really feel how much u love me.
(we were in Tallahassee, after the Chinese new year banquet, jan 21. Sat 2012. We went to level 8 lounge which was in the same hotel we stayed at. She got super drunk, and I had to carry her back into our hotel room. She said down on the floor back leaning against the bed, as she complains how drunk she was. I'm trying to tidy up the room.)
R:C!!!!! Come kiss me!
Me:i will baby, give me a sec. I gotta Pack up some of our luggage.
(I'm walking around the room and cleaning)
R:I love you C.
(I stood there frozen with my back facing her. I turn around with her clothes in my hand.)
Me:What did you just say?
(I put down everything and crouched down to sit very closely in front of her)
R:(wraps her arms around my neck) I love you.
Me:(can't control my tears from streaming out bc of joy, our foreheads are touching) I really hope, that this is not the alcohol talking, because if it is, I'll hate you so much for just throwing that word around.
R:(hugs me) no, I know what I am saying, I'm very conscious, even though I'm drunk.
(pulls back to look at me, at this point I have tears trickling down in controllabley)
I am yours, and you are mine. I love you and I mean it.
(quiet for 5minutes of just kissing hahaha)
Me:I love you R.
R:I love you too.
I know this is super sappy but I don't give a fuck, I wanna remember this.
“I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I’m not a convict, or a delinquent.
I’ve done nothing wrong in my life, I just fell in love.”—VirtuousFaith (how I explained to my mother when I came out that there’s nothing wrong of me)
She always asks, why I like her so much, she asks me not to be too nice to her. The thing is I can’t help myself to be nice to her. I can’t find enough words to explain why I like her so much. actually when I look into the the dictionary, I don’t even think there’s enough descriptive words in Webster for me to jot down how I feel about her. I know a couple of things. Is that im crazy about this girl. And im truly madly and deeply into her. I dont think ive ever been with a girl that has ever made me laugh so much. Puts a smile on my face even as simple as just looking at her. The thing is…its not fair for her to ask me why i like her so much. Because theres so many reason as to what theres not to like about her. She keeps me at the tips of my toes. So if she asks me again as to why….im gonna say infinite reasons as to why not?
As much as she frustrates me sometimes, I know that I can’t seem to go by a day without hearing her voice or seeing her. Everything about her puts a smile on my face. When she worries about me, when she is confused. When she doesn’t understand something, the way she laughs and smiles. The way she falls asleep on the phone. The way she sounds when she first wakes up. The way she pretends she doesn’t care, but deep down she does. How I would ask her if she misses me and she would coldly say no, but then turn around and hug be tightly and press her head against mine. And when I gently ask her again, she says nothings but only to just nod her head.
so everyone’s probably wondering, how the eff am I lucky I got sick? Well, it’s a good and bad feeling. Bad, bc…duh! I’m sick. But good bc my gf was taking care of me. I’m very lucky. Bc even though she’s tends to forget the details of things, but she tries… That’s all I want. Is that she tries. She really is the star that lights my way. She makes me smile even when I’m at my worst. I see her and everything to me will be okay.
Hmm.. Where to start…well. 2011 has treat me very fairly. Lots of ups and downs, bit nothong i couldnt handle. The year was rough in the beginning but i got to travel. See a lot and experienced alot. Saw a lot of old faces. Most definitley met a lot of new faces. The year didnt take a rocket up until october. I got a new job that changed my life with one of the biggest and richest companies in the world. I went to eat a resturaunt one night with a group of my friends. And never did i think that dinner would change my life. I met a girl…and never would i think i would fall so hard for her.
Alot of learning from her. From dating to finally winning her heart. It has been a bumpy ride. But not a single day would i regret my decision and everything i do. 2011 has been very good to me.
As for 2012…im gonna pray for the best and prepare for the worst. But…living life day by day. Is much better. Less stressful. So my most main resolution is to live by the motto “carpe diem”. Taking life on day by day. Stay happy. Bc thats what made people love me in the first place.
“I wanna become a flowerpot that sits in ur windowsill.
Though I can’t speak or want anything at all,
At least I’ll be able to see you smile and feel your touch once in a while.
And I’ll be able to gaze at your beauty while u sleep.”—From the song “flowerpot” by Alex Choi(from clazziquai)
last night I had a very strange dream....I dreamt that my gf and I went on a trip and my ex was there too by coincidence. There was a moment when my ex and I was standing outside of the hotel and she holds my hand and cries.
K:I still love you, (hugs me) can we just start all over again?
Me:yes...(hug her back)
Then I thought of R, and I snapped myself out of it. And push my ex away.
Me:wait...I can't. I'm sorry, I have R now. And as much as I loved you, I can't anymore, bc my heart belongs to her now. I love her now, and only her.
K:what if I gave u time?
Me:doesn't matter, she's the one I want to be with. I can't be with someone who use to be so close but has become such a stranger to me now. I can't be with someone who once broke my heart to the point where I thought it was incurable. Until I met R.
K:but she frustrates and upsets u.
Me:that maybe so, but we talk everything through, we communicate very well with each other. All the troubles we have, we work together on it. That's always something I can only pray for, and she does that.
This dream was a very interesting wake up call, bc for sec...I let myself get sucked into something, but I pulled out bc I know now for sure, that whatever happened in the past, I've already let her go, and I'm ready to face the good time and tough times with a new partner. It's a good feeling :)
1. Love myself more.
2. Let go of my insecurities.
3. Not let myself be so vulnerable.
4. Shrug off little things bc there’s bigger things happening in the wold.
5. Lose my belly fat so I can look even sexier in my clothes.
6. Try not to put others before me, because in the end, I’m the only person that can save myself.
7. Go to Europe or a cruise…..or both
8. Control my spendings
9. Make a new friend :) bc this is probably the only resolution I see really happening.
10. Always be myself and never lose sight of that, no matter what happens.
R:(judo leg wraps my leg and holds me) bc I like to.
Me:...ok...(turns and hold her and whispers) I want to hold u like this everyday...(headbutt her lightly) I love you. (light kiss on her lips)
R:thank you...(hold me tighter and closer)
R:for loving me.
She may not be perfect, she may be lazy and not text or call me back. She may fall asleep on me when I talk to her. But she will forever and always be beautiful. Just like these moments, they r beautiful. I try to understand her from her point, maybe I shouldn't be so uptight, I wish I can relax. This is my 2nd relationship. I'm just as scared as she is, I'm scared I'll screw up. I'm scared history will repeat itself. I know I have trust and insecurity issues, but it takes time for me to loosen back up. I've been single for the last 4 years. This is also gonna take some getting use to on my end. Maybe I should just lighten up. But I don't want her to think that I'm not thinking of her when I'm out and about my business. I am always thinking bout her.